Wow! What a year 2015 was! After a series of several funerals, two sibling weddings, and giving birth to our beautiful son Isaac, Garrett and I started 2016 wondering where last year went. It's like I blinked and now my newborn is 3 months old! I wanted to give those following my music an update since it has been quite a while since my last blog. I want to reassure you that I am still writing music and on the path to recording some new content. It has been challenging being a new mom, balancing 19 students, and my marriage. All the while, I am very eager to get some new music recorded. The major hindrance has been lack of funding and with my new mom duties, time has not been on my side either. Please pray with me as I seek the Lord for guidance and provision.
This season of new motherhood has been a great season of spiritual growth. (This very moment as I write, I am entertaining Isaac in between paragraphs!) There are a number of new anxieties that I have never dealt with. After giving birth, I also dealt with the typical baby blues. I prayed to the Lord for help in avoiding postpartum depression because I knew if I let my thoughts wander, I could go down that path so easily. I remember being so overwhelmed the first few weeks and crying over everything. If it wasn't for God and the support of my family and friends, I could have given in to my feelings. I knew that was what Satan wanted though. He wanted me to doubt the One who has overcome the world and let the feelings of sorrow and hopelessness overtake me. I had a constant voice inside my head spewing out negativity. Fear and dread were lingering over me like a shadow in my everyday life. I was worried about all the things that could go wrong with Isaac and was reminded of all my inadequacies; that somehow I would not be a good mom.
Everything in my life was so different the moment Isaac was born. I suddenly had this wonderful little person whom I loved so much but also demanded every second of my time. I was overjoyed by the blessing of this new life the Lord had given me but somehow sad at the same time. All moms can relate to this and for those out there new to motherhood, I promise things get better. Give it about six weeks and you will adjust to a "new" normal.
This past Sunday my pastor spoke on 1 John 5:1-5. The main topic was that faith is a gift. Starting in verse 3, "For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments. And his commandments are not burdensome. 4 For everyone who has been born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that has overcome the world—our faith. 5 Who is it that overcomes the world except the one who believes that Jesus is the Son of God?
As I transitioned back into teaching and volunteering as the youth worship leader at church, I was exhausted. Lack of sleep and the baby blues were getting to me and I found myself asking the Lord to restore the joy of my salvation. I was reminded of a song I wrote called "Hope Inside Me". The lyrics are as follows:
Satan is the great accuser. He stands night and day accusing us of our sin before God. Revelation 12:10 says, "And I heard a voice in heaven saying, ""Now the salvation and the power and the kingdom of our God and the authority of his Christ have come, for the accuser of our brothers has been thrown down, who accuses them day and night before our God."" We as Christians already have the victory in the one who has overcome the world! AMEN!! Christ has already defeated Satan and while he stands to this day continuing to fill our head with accusations, one day he will be thrown down for good. As I read through 1 John and the scripture in Revelation, God reminded me of a reason to be joyful.
May you continue to renew in me a sense of joy and delight. Help me to daily ponder on your grace and mercy. Come Lord Jesus! Cast down the great accuser once and for all. When I am fearful and anxious, remind me of the great victory I have. I am a child of the Great Conqueror and I have no need to feel dreadful for you have overcome the world! Thank you for your gift of faith and for the salvation you freely give to all those who call upon Your Name. Amen
Until next time,